18 Weeks: A Bad Monday

This week was our appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine.  This post is going to be long so prepare yourselves.  I'll try to leave out the unimportant parts.

The appointment was at 1 o'clock in Carmel.  It started with a meeting with the genetic counselor.  I didn't know exactly what to expect with this.  I figure they would take our blood and do some testing or something.  I was wrong.  Instead we sat in a bare bones conference room with a genetic counselor while she went over her laminated binder of chromosomal disorders.  She talked about chromosomes, chromosomes and more chromosomes.  We looked at pictures like this.

We looked at every variation of genetic chromosomal disorders.  We learned about Downs Syndrome, Trisomy 21/18/13 etc, Turners Syndrome, Noonan's Syndrome and probably even more that I don't remember. She talked about life expectancy of each of the disorders and what kind of defects we might see.  She went into a little detail about what she knew about Twin B.  She said there was swelling around the head and spine and there was also a pocket of fluid around the stomach area.  She basically told us this was a sign of some very bad things.  We talked about amniocentesis and how that procedure works. She asked if we wanted one.  I said "I don't know yet."  How are we supposed to know at that point? We hadn't even had our ultrasound yet.  She talked about termination.  She said that with twins it's a specialized procedure and the doctors in their office may not be able to perform it and we might have to go out of state.  She also said we wouldn't have very long to decide if that's something that we wanted. She then asked if we had any questions.  We had some.  The appointment with the counselor took an HOUR.  We were both sick to our stomachs when we left that conference room.  We had no more answers, just a lot more information and a lot more fear.

Next came the in-depth ultrasound.  The ultrasound tech informed us that the doctor would be able to see the same screen in another room as she was working.  She started taking measurements of Twin A.  She narrated what she was measuring and told us what she was taking pictures of for each "snapshot".  Twin A looked very good but it still took a long time.  It's pretty early yet so they have to work a bit harder to get all the information they want.

Then she moved on to Twin B.

She took about 7 or 8 consecutive pictures without saying a word and then got up and left the room saying she was going to get the doctor.  Andrew knew right away.  I was still the hopeless optimist.  I was still holding on to the hope that my gut feeling was wrong.  I had been pulling for these twins the whole time.  I really wanted them to have each other.  I felt like I bonded with the babies in utero much more than I ever did with Tommy in utero (due to the fact that it's the second time around, I know what to expect, I understand what's in there and what's going on). I was in denial.

They were gone 15 minutes.  It felt like an eternity.

Finally the doctor came in and sat down next to the bed and put her hands on me.  She didn't even touch the computer.  She didn't even have to talk.  I knew what she was going to say,  "I'm so sorry to tell you that Twin B has passed."  She asked if we needed a few minutes which we did and they promptly left the room.

We grieved.  Truly we were experiencing a huge range of emotions all at once.  Shock, sadness, grief... but also relief, guilt, acceptance, closure.  It felt like it was too quick of a process for us (hence even more guilt).  The doctor and tech came back in the room and asked if it was okay for her to continue taking pictures of both babies.  She made sure to tell us over and over again that Twin A was completely healthy and beautiful.  She was growing slightly above average and she couldn't say enough that she was healthy.

We learned that Twin B passed when she was measuring at 14 weeks.  Since she was about a week behind to begin with, she probably passed away a week after the first ultrasound.  We learned that we could have an amnio done to see what might have been the issue for Twin B but that since it had been a few weeks, the fluid probably would not give us accurate information.  It also has risks for Twin A so we decided to forego the amnio.  We asked if there was a procedure at this point and she said no.  This might sound a little morbid but she said that the baby would be absorbed into the placenta. The only way we may be able to tell that they were twins by the end is that there are two placentas.

Sidenote: Remember my grandmother who gave birth to twins?? She also gave birth to three placentas so it's highly possible the same thing happened to her too.  But she didn't have to go through the roller coaster of emotions that comes with modern technology.  If this were 10-20 years ago, we never would have known this happened until birth.

They told us, for sure this time, that Baby A is a girl.  She has a big head, long legs and big ol' feet.  We couldn't be happier.  They asked if we wanted pictures of Twin B.  We declined since we have pictures of her from when she was still alive and punching and kicking her sister.

They sent us home with these great pictures of Baby T2.

I don't really know what this is a picture of.  I assume it's the girl parts? Can't really tell.

 This is kind of hard to tell what's going on as well.  But the baby is upside down.  If you look at the left side of the picture, you can see the spine running down to the head.  You can see the baby's profile in this one.  Beautiful profile, if I do say so myself. :-)

 Here's an obvious one... the right hand!

And another one! Her gigantor feet! She is definitely related to Tommy.  Tommy has always had ginormo feet.  They already have something they can bond over!

We truly feel blessed beyond words.  It's such a sad situation but we're just so happy that Baby T2 is so healthy and thriving.  We were so worried about trying to manage a family with a toddler and two newborns, one of which with any number of issues.  We were already feeling horrible for the effect it might have on Tommy and Twin A.  The stress of twins, from what I've read, is bad enough, especially with an older sibling, but to add chromosomal abnormalities... I just can't fathom.

Baby T2 is healthy and we have so many reasons to celebrate.  We know having a second child isn't going to be easy but after all this, it feels like it's going to be a piece of cake.

I'll get back to you on that one after the baby is born. ;-)

So we will see you, Baby T2, around September 18th, 2013!!