18 Weeks: A Bad Monday

This week was our appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine.  This post is going to be long so prepare yourselves.  I'll try to leave out the unimportant parts.

The appointment was at 1 o'clock in Carmel.  It started with a meeting with the genetic counselor.  I didn't know exactly what to expect with this.  I figure they would take our blood and do some testing or something.  I was wrong.  Instead we sat in a bare bones conference room with a genetic counselor while she went over her laminated binder of chromosomal disorders.  She talked about chromosomes, chromosomes and more chromosomes.  We looked at pictures like this.

We looked at every variation of genetic chromosomal disorders.  We learned about Downs Syndrome, Trisomy 21/18/13 etc, Turners Syndrome, Noonan's Syndrome and probably even more that I don't remember. She talked about life expectancy of each of the disorders and what kind of defects we might see.  She went into a little detail about what she knew about Twin B.  She said there was swelling around the head and spine and there was also a pocket of fluid around the stomach area.  She basically told us this was a sign of some very bad things.  We talked about amniocentesis and how that procedure works. She asked if we wanted one.  I said "I don't know yet."  How are we supposed to know at that point? We hadn't even had our ultrasound yet.  She talked about termination.  She said that with twins it's a specialized procedure and the doctors in their office may not be able to perform it and we might have to go out of state.  She also said we wouldn't have very long to decide if that's something that we wanted. She then asked if we had any questions.  We had some.  The appointment with the counselor took an HOUR.  We were both sick to our stomachs when we left that conference room.  We had no more answers, just a lot more information and a lot more fear.

Next came the in-depth ultrasound.  The ultrasound tech informed us that the doctor would be able to see the same screen in another room as she was working.  She started taking measurements of Twin A.  She narrated what she was measuring and told us what she was taking pictures of for each "snapshot".  Twin A looked very good but it still took a long time.  It's pretty early yet so they have to work a bit harder to get all the information they want.

Then she moved on to Twin B.

She took about 7 or 8 consecutive pictures without saying a word and then got up and left the room saying she was going to get the doctor.  Andrew knew right away.  I was still the hopeless optimist.  I was still holding on to the hope that my gut feeling was wrong.  I had been pulling for these twins the whole time.  I really wanted them to have each other.  I felt like I bonded with the babies in utero much more than I ever did with Tommy in utero (due to the fact that it's the second time around, I know what to expect, I understand what's in there and what's going on). I was in denial.

They were gone 15 minutes.  It felt like an eternity.

Finally the doctor came in and sat down next to the bed and put her hands on me.  She didn't even touch the computer.  She didn't even have to talk.  I knew what she was going to say,  "I'm so sorry to tell you that Twin B has passed."  She asked if we needed a few minutes which we did and they promptly left the room.

We grieved.  Truly we were experiencing a huge range of emotions all at once.  Shock, sadness, grief... but also relief, guilt, acceptance, closure.  It felt like it was too quick of a process for us (hence even more guilt).  The doctor and tech came back in the room and asked if it was okay for her to continue taking pictures of both babies.  She made sure to tell us over and over again that Twin A was completely healthy and beautiful.  She was growing slightly above average and she couldn't say enough that she was healthy.

We learned that Twin B passed when she was measuring at 14 weeks.  Since she was about a week behind to begin with, she probably passed away a week after the first ultrasound.  We learned that we could have an amnio done to see what might have been the issue for Twin B but that since it had been a few weeks, the fluid probably would not give us accurate information.  It also has risks for Twin A so we decided to forego the amnio.  We asked if there was a procedure at this point and she said no.  This might sound a little morbid but she said that the baby would be absorbed into the placenta. The only way we may be able to tell that they were twins by the end is that there are two placentas.

Sidenote: Remember my grandmother who gave birth to twins?? She also gave birth to three placentas so it's highly possible the same thing happened to her too.  But she didn't have to go through the roller coaster of emotions that comes with modern technology.  If this were 10-20 years ago, we never would have known this happened until birth.

They told us, for sure this time, that Baby A is a girl.  She has a big head, long legs and big ol' feet.  We couldn't be happier.  They asked if we wanted pictures of Twin B.  We declined since we have pictures of her from when she was still alive and punching and kicking her sister.

They sent us home with these great pictures of Baby T2.

I don't really know what this is a picture of.  I assume it's the girl parts? Can't really tell.

 This is kind of hard to tell what's going on as well.  But the baby is upside down.  If you look at the left side of the picture, you can see the spine running down to the head.  You can see the baby's profile in this one.  Beautiful profile, if I do say so myself. :-)

 Here's an obvious one... the right hand!

And another one! Her gigantor feet! She is definitely related to Tommy.  Tommy has always had ginormo feet.  They already have something they can bond over!

We truly feel blessed beyond words.  It's such a sad situation but we're just so happy that Baby T2 is so healthy and thriving.  We were so worried about trying to manage a family with a toddler and two newborns, one of which with any number of issues.  We were already feeling horrible for the effect it might have on Tommy and Twin A.  The stress of twins, from what I've read, is bad enough, especially with an older sibling, but to add chromosomal abnormalities... I just can't fathom.

Baby T2 is healthy and we have so many reasons to celebrate.  We know having a second child isn't going to be easy but after all this, it feels like it's going to be a piece of cake.

I'll get back to you on that one after the baby is born. ;-)

So we will see you, Baby T2, around September 18th, 2013!!

Chicago and Book of Mormon

We went to Chicago last week to see the Book of Mormon.  

It was amazing! So offensive but so good. The Chicago cast was amazing.  The lead was the first guy in the Tony's performance of the song "Hello" (probably my favorite song).  You can see him here, ringing Ricky Martin's door.  He was by far my favorite character too.  He was sooo hate-able and so likable at the same time. 

The second male lead (is there a name for that?) was Benji in Pitch Perfect.  I haven't seen it but people seemed to like it.  His comedic timing was fantastic.  

The female lead was Syesha Mercado.  Anyone remember her? If you watched Season 7 of American Idol, you probably do.  She was third runner up under David Cook and David Archuletta.  You know you remember! She is gorg! She was also amazing in her role too. So damn talented. 

We had such a great time in Chicago.  We ate at The Gage. I had the duck.  It was muy fantastico! 

As we were walking home, we decided it would be funny to get my picture taken next to some art installation that had this random sign.  It was so weird but so funny to us.  

This will have to count as my 16 week picture.  I had to take one in Chicago in front of something.  That's our style! 

Nicknames for the Twins

So we're going to have lots of fun with the dear ol' duo.  We need nicknames for the ladies.  Something to call them until we decide on official names.  We need something more concrete than Baby A or Twin B.  It would be nice if they had A and B names but we like fun female duos better than that. 

Here are some examples and then I'll put it to a vote. 

1.) Wilma and Betty

My mom's fave, obvi.

2.) Thelma and Louise

3.) Romy and Michelle

Although this is by far my favorite moment from the movie.

4.) Laverne and Shirley

Whoops, how did that pic get in here?

5.) Blossom and Six (Kind of a stretch)

6.) Tia and Tamara (and Tommy, Oh my!)

(I Seriously had that EXACT hat and I can PROVE IT!  Man I RULED the 90s)

7.) Mary-Kate and Ashley

I think they want you to pick them! Yikes!

8.) Lucy and Ethel

9.) Got a better idea? Prove it!

It has to be names that when we say them, people will automatically know that they are nicknames.  Now post your vote in the comments.  All comments have to go through an approval process (I get lotso spam comments cuz I'm awesome).  Post as many votes as you want, as the saying goes, "Vote Early, Vote Often!"

And just so you know, my vote counts as a gazillion so I overrule all if you guys pick something I don't like.  What did you expect? My blog, my rules! This isn't a Blogocracy, this is a MORGTATORSHIP!  Now go vote for your favorite duo! 

14 Weeks: We've Got More News

So the pregnancy has been going pretty well.  I've been sick like last time, much more tired than last time and I feel bigger than last time.  All sounds very normal.  At my 10 week appointment, the midwife said you're measuring larger but that's pretty normal for a second pregnancy.  At my 14 week appointment on Thursday, the doctor measured me and said, "You're measuring much larger.  Have you felt movements?"  I answered kind of but it's hard to tell. Then she says the words, "Do twins run in your family?"  I answer, "Well actually, yes they do."

My Great Grandma Stevens was a twin and my Grandma May had twins (my aunt Karen and uncle Kevin).  Soooooo skipping a generation, it had been a minor worry of mine but I wasn't really thinking much about it.  She heard the one heartbeat the first time so I thought we were golden.

The doctor quickly squeezed us in for an ultrasound and lo and behold, there were TWO BABIES.  TWO. BABIES. IN. MY. BELLY.  OMG.

Twin A and Twin B

They couldn't keep us long but they wanted us to come back shortly for a more in-depth ultrasound in about a half hour due to other appointments that were already scheduled.  So we waited in the waiting room and excitedly notified our family and friends.  It was completely shocking and overwhelming.

We went back to the room in about a half hour.  She started with what they call Twin A.  Twin A is the one that is closest to the cervix and will come out first.  Twin A was a little showoff.  Posing, waving, kicking, playing.  What a character! Heartbeat was about the 150s.  She said she could tell us her best guess on the sex if we wanted.  We agreed.  She took a close look and guessed Girl.  She moved on to Twin B and Twin A kept popping up in the picture. You could see her hand occasionally like she was saying, "Don't forget about me! Take MY picture!"  Twin B was also in 150s for heartbeat. She took a guess that the way each one was formed, the size and measurements, etc, that they were identical!! TWO GIRLS? Whoa.

Baby Stats

She finished the ultrasound and mentioned something about swelling before leaving the room to go get the doctor.  The doctor came and explained that she was concerned about the swelling around Twin B's brain and spine. Also the baby was a week behind in development compared to A.  She went through a terrible, horrible list of things she thought it could be.  She referred us to the Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist that comes to Lafayette once a month.  We will be seeing the specialist in a month to find out what exactly is going on with Baby B.  Shocked and terrified, we left the office and both took the day off to digest this information.

I think I can safely say that we both went through a range of emotions that day while trying to figure out how we were feeling about all of this.  By the end of the day, we decided there was nothing to do but wait and be hopeful.  And try to stay offline (impossible.)

Because seriously, what else can you do? It's scary and all we have to do is WAIT.  A month is an eternity in this situation.  Friends and family have been super supportive which is hugely helpful.
I came home from work today to some beautiful flowers from some beautiful friends.  Damn, you girls are FAST!

 Love the colors! 

My Email Club Girls

So for now until we have reason not to, it's time to celebrate. Twins, ahem, identical twins (if the ultrasound tech wasn't wrong) are pretty much a miracle.  They are not genetic.  They are pure luck and happenstance.  Another miracle (or just plain good luck) is that each twin has its own placenta so it is less likely that there will be TTTS where one takes the blood supply from the other.

So as disappointing as it first was for me to grasp, this pregnancy/labor/delivery is going to be entirely different from the first one.  I think unless you have a horrible experience, most mothers want a similar experience the second time around because familiarity is very comforting.  But I'm embracing it and trying to best prepare myself for the craziness that is ahead.

I have to post a week by week picture too, as much as I've been fighting it.  But you have to see the difference between the two pregnancies.

Here's 14 weeks with Tommy T. Just a LITTLE bigger. Sheesh. 

I used the Wave Cam App that I got from Apps Gone Free to take this picture.  This app was strictly made for selfies.  Too funny.  But hey, it works! 

So Baby T2 is now Baby A and Baby B.  Sorry for the confusion but hey, apparently we don't do anything easy in the Thornburg household.  The thought that keeps running through my head is "You make plans and God laughs."  I had just made the mistake of mentioning to my mom how much I would hate to have a high risk pregnancy.  Welllll, now I'm super mega ultra high risk.  Such is life.  

If you have the time, we could really use good thoughts and prayers for both Baby A and Baby B.  We want them to be healthy!